There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
