A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
