I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
