There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
