I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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