So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
