May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It's official drugs can't kill me
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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