dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
