omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
third nipple confirmed
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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