Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
