mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
