I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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