wat bout pragnant strippers??
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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