found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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