i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
