I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
