Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
