her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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