He disabled his match.com account in front of me
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
