my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
