Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
