I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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