I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
