apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
