that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
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