Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
