would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
