Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
