It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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