I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
