I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
