Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
