Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
