Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
