There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
