ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
