apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
