there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
