Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
