i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
