we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
