nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
