You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
