We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just found a bag of teeth...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
