how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
