She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
