the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
