you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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