at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
