My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
