new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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