do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
